The Codependency Toolkit
How to get out of codependency and stay out of it while relating
An abandonment wound (real or perceived abandonment) or any traumatic event might cause codependency and manifests in an anxiously attached- or avoidant attached relating style (The attachment style theory).
Emergency treatment
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Catch yourself when you put him on a pedestal
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Catch yourself when you buy into the believe he would be the only one and you could not be without him anymore
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Learn the meditation technique of “naming”. (I see that stone, I see this bird…)
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Move your body, change location
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Touch your fingertips to get grounded and back to a small here and now
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Ask yourself: Do I want to be treated like this? In all your relatings.
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Put your feet on a cold floor (remove your socks!)
Sustainable game shifters
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Learn to say what you want and ask for what you want.
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Before that, ask yourself: What do I want? Keep asking yourself: And what do I want now? And now? (Learn about moment- to moment navigation in my trainings)
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Acknowledge your needy parts and learn to nurture them
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Learn a new skill, like whittling, macramé…
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Handle your finances
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Balance a stick to find and keep your center
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Acknowledge yours and your partners reactivity and don’t react on the reactivity
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Observe when you put yourself in a “waiting room”: Are you secretly or silently waiting for something from him? Don't do that!
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Notice when you withhold something which needs to be said. SAY IT ANYWAY. (Learn about fear navigation in my trainings)
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Delete in your mind the wonderful moment after it has gone, especially the wonderful ones!
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Practice an inner attitude as if you meet your partner or a person close to you for the first time each day: who are you today?
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Create yourself a team (same gender) you can lean on as your support system. Arrange with them that you could call someone and write in the group.
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Acknowledge the small successes and steps and share them (for example with me, I want to celebrate with you: alicebelz@gmx.de)
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Surround yourself with people who are in balanced relatings
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Leave relatings you have outgrown (Yes, you can do and even learn that! Yes. )
More precious and well-tried rescources
&
Other amazing Women:
I open the door for you to connect to my evolutionary sisters, I highly recommend to work with
Violence Anonymous (VA)
Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA)
coda.org
Possibility Management
possibilitymanagement.org/home
Irene Hubers
irenehubers.com
Julia Neumann
www.julia-neumann.com
Anne-Chloé Destremau